


The Summer of ‘98

by taeilloveclub



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 90s AU, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Johnny is new and falls in love with Taeil, Johnny watches taeil go downhill, M/M, Summer Romance, Teenagers, a bit sad sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 20:19:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17494673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeilloveclub/pseuds/taeilloveclub
Summary: Johnny writes a letter to Taeil, reminiscing on the summer romance of any teen’s dreams. Blasting bubblegum pop on the radio, drinking cola on the pier and sun touched skin. It was the summer of 1998 and Johnny fell hopelessly in love with Taeil, who is the definition of perfect.





	The Summer of ‘98

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not quite sure what inspired me to write this since it’s kinda different to my other work but i recommend listening to these songs whilst reading ✨(just some 90s kpop!):  
> I’m Your Girl ~ S.E.S  
> Dreams Come True~ S.E.S  
> 말하자면 ~ Kim Sung Jae  
> Enjoy, don’t mind the angst 💓

My Dear Taeil,  
Did you know it was the summer of 98 when I first realised that I was in love with you? I was passing by your house, just like I did everyday, on my way to the convenience store. You were blasting “I’m your girl” by S.E.S. loud enough to be heard, but not so loud to warrant a noise complaint from your grouchy neighbours. I stood there for a while, watching you, kitchen door wide open, dancing about wildly. Your limbs flailed uncontrollably, without a care in the world, and your eyes were squeezed shut, the biggest smile plastered across your face. The golden hour sun kissed your face just right and, in that moment, you were so perfect. Now, whenever I hear that song, I remember you, 18, untroubled and seemingly untouchable. 

That year, we spent a simple yet blissful summer together, sharing secrets on the steps of the town hall and debating about comic books, lying on the carpet in my bedroom. Every second spent with sent me spiralling deeper and deeper in love and I knew that I would steal all the stars out of the sky just for you.  
Although I was too foolish to notice it at the time, as the days got shorter and autumn rolled around you became more reserved. Your smile was still as bright as ever yet less frequent and, as we bid goodbye at the end of each day, you would hesitate, as if there was something holding you back.

By October of that year, I decided to tell you how I felt because I knew that, if I didn’t, I would suffocate or maybe even explode. We were lying under a cloudy sky on the pier, like we always did, sipping on warm cola. Our heads were so close together that I could feel every breath you took. With a sharp inhale, I sat up and clutched my school bag to my chest, unable to even glance in your directions. Then, I said it. I said “Taeil, I’m in love with you. I know it sounds wrong and I’m really sorry but I had to tell you because, every day I have spent with you this summer has made me feel a little less alone and you’re really the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” I spoke in a hurry, stumbling over every syllable as if my tongue had gone numb. You remained quiet for a while and I didn’t dare speak. But do you remember what you said? You slid up next to me, taking my clammy hand in yours, forcing me to meet your liquid eyes. Then you said, “Johnny, just so you know, you were never alone.” Do you know what you did next? You kissed me. You kissed me and the entire world fell away with your gentle lips. What did I ever do to deserve you? 

I was so enchanted by you that I didn’t want to believe that you were anything but perfect. That’s why, when you winced under my touch, I looked away and just kissed your unmarked cheek instead. That is why, when the bruises started to appear, I chose to believe your blatant lies and excuses. And that is why, when I saw you crying and defeated in the kitchen where you once danced without a care in the world, I ran home and didn’t look back. 

I still remember the last kiss we shared, Taeil. How could I forget? We were standing behind the bike sheds at school. You tasted just as sweet as ever. You clung to my blazer and I held you gently, accustomed to the fear of hurting you. The fierce October wind whistled in my ears but your warmth made me feel at home, as always. When you pulled away your cheeks were streaked with tears but I just stood and watched you hurting, like an idiot. Resting your forehead against mine, you whispered a breathless “Thank you”. When I asked you why you were thanking me you just shook your head.  
“Johnny, just know you’re never alone.” That’s what you said.  
Then, Taeil, you left me. I let you leave. I should’ve stopped you. Every voice inside of me was screaming at me to run after you, to hold you tight, to let you know that I wasn’t ever going to let you leave. But I didn’t. And that is the worst, most irreversible mistake I have and ever will make. 

Moon Taeil, you deserved every ray of sunshine and a million reasons to smile and I’m sorry I couldn’t give those to you. I’m sorry that I let you go and. Taeil, I’m so sincerely sorry that you felt alone when I was meant to be the person who made those feelings go away. As sorry as I am, I am more thankful to you. Thank you for inviting me to sit next to you on my first day at a new school. Thank you for introducing me to your cheesy pop music, for a magical summer and for letting me know what it feels like to love and be loved.  
I owe you everything yet I can give you nothing except for this letter. I love you and just so you know, you were never alone.

Yours Always,  
Johnny

*  
*  
*  
With that, Johnny placed the letter down and dug his fingernails into his palms, so to steady his trembling hands. Slowly, he lifted his gaze to meet an audience of unblinking eyes, all trained on him. It definitely wasn’t a traditional eulogy but it was one that Taeil would have wanted, despite everything. Johnny blinked away burning tears that threatened to spill. He had already cried more than enough for a lifetime and, to be honest, he was so tired of feeling weak. So instead, Johnny smiled. He beamed as if Taeil was standing right in front of him, perfectly immortalised as the young boy that Johnny loved and remembered. After all, that was the way Taeil would stay forever. He was eternally 18, with soft, youthful skin and an innocent heart. Johnny would grow up, get a job, maybe move away from this small town but Taeil would remain forever in the cool Autumn of 1998.

Fin


End file.
